~4.5 years ago, I lost my sister Ashley to breast cancer. Today would have been her 36th birthday, so let's celebrate her.
First, some backstory. There is nothing that can prepare you for losing a relative. For Ashley, it was quick. 1 year from diagnosis to passing on. Triple negative breast cancer is a bitch.
For a while, I didn't accept her diagnosis as fact. I thought somehow it just wouldn't come true. This prevented me from embracing the time I had remaining with her. Extremely regrettable.
While what happened to Ashley is a tragedy, there are reframes that I've used in order to extract any semblance of light from the situation that I wanted to share here.
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I got to spend 25 years with a wonderful older sister. I have so many great memories of our childhood and young adulthood that I'll never forget. I cherish those and am thankful for the opportunity to have had such a great sister for the time I did. Some people never get that, I'm lucky.
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Ashley's beauty and strength prior to, and during, her diagnosis were beyond words. She showed strength I'd never known nor seen before. To laugh and smile as she did in the face of such darkness is beyond comprehension, her spirit was indomitable and she gives me strength to this day through those memories.
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Her passing has made me and my brother much closer. You only have so many siblings, losing her has made us both cherish each other more. Our relationship is amazing and I am endlessly thankful for it.
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Her husband's devotion and strength throughout her diagnosis was something I will never forget. A true embodiment of "in sickness and in health," his unwavering love and patience throughout those times showed me what it truly meant to be a man and husband. I can never thank him enough for what he showed me and how he loved my sister. John, you are incredible and I'll never be able to thank you enough.
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Death is coming. In America we don't talk about death and often try to avoid seeing or hearing about it. This experience familiarized me with death and just how real it is. It can happen to anyone, at any time. That's freeing in a sense. Our time is so limited, we're all on house money. There's no reason not to have fun and smile. It will all be over soon. Accepting this has allowed me to laugh off the daily inconveniences and smile at the mishaps - it's part of life, I'm just thankful to be here and experiencing it.
While a horrific tragedy, the experience, as any, has a flip side of the coin. I miss Ashley every day but at the same time I live life for her. I smile and embrace life because she can't. I take risks because I know one day, whether that be today or 50 years from now, it will be over.
I love you Ashley, happy birthday.